Amendments (15.04.09)

•    Front cover: It looks as if there is a misplaced blue triangle above the hand index finger. I know this is an error on the original image; but would it be possible to complete the inner, multi-pronged white flash burst, so it doesn’t appear as if somebody has taken a few slices out of it? I imagine this would involve a bit of gentle spay-brushing – also over some of the index finger tip.
•    Front cover: I’m not sure I like having “(Book One)” on the front cover. Please could you remove it and then possibly move the title down a fraction.
•    Back cover: Change the place of “however”, so the text on the third line reads: “get any worse. One day, however, his luck begins to change. His”
•    Please can you put the ‘book name’ in the left hand page header and ‘chapter title’ in the right hand page header. I think it would look best in small font, capitals, centrally aligned.
•    p.v: map: I hope the banner (“Peralucia: main conflict zone”) and compass are clearly distinguishable from the map territories. When I printed this page out, it was hard to see these two icons standing out clearly. Also, is the map aligned properly? Shouldn’t it be raised a fraction on the page, so there is an equal size blank space above and below?
•    pps.vii and viii: Some of the chapter page numbers are wrong. Ch 7 (112), Ch 8 (121), Ch 9 (139), Ch 10 (165), Ch 11 (186), Ch 12 (200), Ch 13 (220), Ch 14 (240), Lexicon – Glossary Of Terms (255), Draken Spells (264). This, however, may all need to be changed again once the following amendments are put in place…
•    p.3: line 20: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps you could change to “‘DANNY – GET DOWN HERE NOW!’” (NB: Note change of italics) If you cannot fit the word “screamed” onto line 20, please change to “yelled”
•    p.3: line 27: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please place a hyphen between the word “bellowed”, hence “bell-owed”, so the “owed” part appears on the next line.
•    p.9: line 5: Text cramped. Please place a hyphen between the word “following”, hence “follow-ing”, so the “ing” part appears on the next line.
•    p.11: line 31: Remove “And”. So, “And in the blinking of an eye,” should read, “In the blinking of an eye,”
•    p.12: line 25: Text cramped. There should be a space between “called.’There”, hence, “called.’ There was”. Perhaps you could remove the comma hence: “called.’ There was then a short pause which allowed”.
•    p.13: line 5: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please place a hyphen between the word “machine”, hence “mach-ine”, so the “ine” part appears on the next line. But this might cause problems later on. On line 7, please remove the words “with you”.
•    p.16: line 31: Conversion error. Word should read “worr?’”. Extended hyphen used when next character interrupts previous character halfway through a word. (For some reason, it has come out fine on p.127, line 19; and p.248, line 5)
•    p.17: line 9: Italics. Should read: “‘We might as well not have a teacher in the classroom,’”
•    p.24: line 15: Text looks a little cramped, in relation to the previous line. Easy to sort out.
•    p.25: line 28: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you left out the hyphen and put the word “history” on the line above and change the comma to a colon, hence, “‘Oh that’s Henry Reece-Douglas: my ancient history professor. He was”
•    p.26: line 1: Indent missing at beginning of new paragraph, before “‘Henry had that rare”
•    p.27: line 2: Indent missing at beginning of new paragraph, before “‘I’ve come to see Miss Abbott,’”
•    p.27: line 9: Spelling error: “Parents Evening” should be “Parents’ Evening”.
•    p.29: line 17: Conversion error. Word should read “‘Wha??’” Extended hyphen used when character cuts him/herself off mid-word. (For some reason, it has come out fine on p.127, line 19; and p.248, line 5)
•    p.30: line 10: Looks messy with hyphen on next line. Perhaps best to leave out hyphen, so whole sentence appears on same line. (NB. You will therefore need to end sentence with a full stop.)
•    p.33: lines 19-21: Please change to: “The rain was now unrelenting. He could feel it creeping down his back and into the stitching in his shoes; and when he finally”
•    p.36: line 2: Should be a new paragraph, starting at: “There was then”
•    p.36: lines 3-4: Leave out one “was” and “she was going”, so it should read: “There was then a long uncomfortable silence as she pondered how to devour this last little”
•    p.36: line 6: Please replace pause with a colon, hence, “And pray tell me: how, exactly, is playing hours”
•    p.36: line 8: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Therefore, please add full stop, capital letter and “he”, hence: “Danny thought for a moment. Perhaps he should just cut his losses and keep quiet, but he hoped”
•    p.37: line 30: Add “then”, remove “out”, hence: “‘Danny, come down,’ she then yelled sweetly.”
•    p.41: lines 2-5: Change to: “about was the amulet. He was grateful his grandfather had snuck it into his bag – on the quiet – but at the same time furious with himself for having lost the damn thing.” (NB: You might have to hyphenate the word “grandfather”, hence “grand-father”, and then put “grand-” on line 2 and “father” on line 3)
•    p.42: line 3: Indent missing at beginning of new paragraph, before “Danny smiled. He loved”
•    p.42: lines 3-7: Text size looks very large???
•    p.43: line 2: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps you could change to: “‘Yesterday, granddad gave me this amulet thing. But she’s” (NB: I imagine it would look best for the word “But” to appear on line 2)
•    p.43: line 31: Change “this” to “the”, hence: “There was simply no obvious solution to the dilemma.”
•    p.45: line 21: Leave out “And”, hence: “something was very wrong. As he gathered speed,” (NB: Only change of it doesn’t cause problems with the text later on)
•    p.50: line 8: Change “into” for “onto”, hence: “pulled out onto the road.”
•    p.51: line 11: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please swap “quiet” for “intense”, hence: “a few moments of intense contemplation”
•    p.51: line 26: Remove “And”, hence: “of her bedside cabinet. With the dirty deed”
•    p.51: line 32: Add “was”, hence: “had taken the amulet, which was entirely possible, his life” You might need to hyphenate the word “entirely”, hence “entirely”, so that “en-” appears on line 32 and “tirely” on p.52, line1.
•    p.53: line 12: Text cramped. Please change to: “just to make sure this wasn’t some unbelievably vivid dream.”
•    p.55: line 1: Change to: “He was tall and muscular, with chiselled facial” You might need to hyphenate the word “features”, hence “fea-tures” and put each part on different lines. Only make this change if it doesn’t disrupt the lay of the text too much.
•    p.57: line 7: Break the sentence up with a full stop, hence: “dark-skinned rider. He then pointed to the doors.”
•    p.57: line 8: Change “took” for “then”, hence: “Danny took a deep breath and then a moment to”
•    p.57: line 19: Change to: “this place would now be his mausoleum”
•    p.57: line 21: Would look best if this sentence appeared on a new paragraph: “Slowly, he turned back round.”
•    p.58: line 12: Text cramped. Perhaps this could be changed to: “from gold. The domed ceiling and floor, and even the curious stump of a pillar in the centre of the room, all shone like the sun.” (NB: Note additional comma. But only make this change if it doesn’t cause problems with the lay of the text later on. Feel free to hyphenate words if necessary.)
•    p.60: line 28: Change to: “men and women dressed in red. Their job is to make sure we’re all safe.’”
•    p.63: line 11: Change “to” to “on”, hence: “the saddle on his unicorn.”
•    p.64: line 21: New paragraph for sentence starting: “Grabbing the boy, he then”
•    p.68: line 26: Text cramped. Remove comma, hence: “In fact I’m the”
•    p.69: line 22: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please remove “all the time”, hence: “was why everybody messed about.”
•    p.70: line 30-31: Change this bit to: “And so, he set about thrusting every last detail from the curriculum into the heads of his pupils, burdening” (NB: Only make this alteration if it doesn’t disrupt the flow of the text later on)
•    p.72: line 7: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please change “amazing” to “incredible”, hence: “this was an incredible breakthrough”
•    p.72: line 8: Please place a comma after the word “For”, hence; “For, as information”
•    p.76: lines 10-15: Please change this section to: “Now breathing heavily, his body damp with sweat, his system flooded with adrenaline, he realised what he should have done right from the start. Crawling over to his”
•    p.79: line 10: Text cramped. There should be a space between “away.’Then,”. Perhaps change to: “thrown away.’ She then, rather than washing out the bottles and placing them into her green recycling container, which had been provided by the Council to every resident on Bluntly Road, dropped them into the dustbin with a loud clatter.”.
•    p.83: line 15: Change “whined” for “pleaded”.
•    p.84: line 18: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Could you put a hyphen in the word “any-one” and have “any-” on line 18 and “one” on line 19.
•    p.85: line 27: Remove exclamation mark, hence: “over her house.”
•    p.89: line 9: Replace “chose” for “wanted”, hence: “another reason he wanted to stay behind.”
•    p.95: line 7: Change “he” for “his”, hence: “knew his friend was”
•    p.96: line 1: Replace full stop with a hyphen, hence: “the laughing and giggling – Constable Prim, it” You might need to hyphenate the word “seemed” and put “seem-” on line 1 and “ed” on line 2?
•    p.97: line 25: Replace “be consumed” with “fade”, hence: “slowly began to fade.” (NB: Please only make this alteration if it doesn’t cause over-spacing or cramping)
•    p.98: line 33: Change “intensity” for “urgency”, hence: “this time with more urgency.”
•    p.100: line 18: Remove comma, hence: “said Joe impatiently, his”
•    p.100: line 18: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please put a hyphen between the word “impatiently”, so the im-” appears on line 18 and the “patiently” on line 19.
•    p.101: line 18: Change “the” for “that”, hence: “That amulet thing”
•    p.102: line 27: Remove “with you”, hence: “I see you’ve brought a friend –’”
•    p.104: line 8: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Might look best to hyphenate “grandfather”, so “grand-” appears on line 8 and “father” on line 9.
•    p.104: line 21: Please add “round here” to sentence, hence: “a fact nobody round here likes to admit.” (NB: Only make this change if it doesn’t cause problems later on in the paragraph)
•    p.106: line 11: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please add the word “absolutely” to this sentence, hence “So – just so I’m absolutely clear – we’re definitely not on Earth?’”
•    p.106: line 32: This sentence should not appear as a new paragraph, but be connected to the previous paragraph, hence: “scientist called out. He then got up”
•    p.107: line 16: Change position of comma, hence: “‘or RAT, for short.’”
•    p.109: line 1: Change “Yes” for “Correct”.
•    p.109: line 4: Text cramped. Remove comma, hence: “actually we call them”
•    p.109: line 5: Remove “actually”, hence: “This is something of a”
•    p.109: line 6: Change comma position, hence: “Part of what we, or rather the Griffins, do is run around”
•    p.109: line 25: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate the word “scientist”, so that “scien-” appears on line 25 and “tist” on line 26.
•    p.110: line 9: Change “get” for “come”, hence: “ we come to the question of”
•    p.110: line 10: Text cramped. Perhaps change this sentence to: “Danny, however, had an inkling of what was coming next”
•    p.110: line 19: Remove “then”, hence: “captures it and takes it to his” (NB: Only make this alteration if it doesn’t affect the lay of the text later on in the paragraph)
•    p.110: line 20: Change “fed” for “feeds”, hence: “ a dungeon and feeds it on”
•    p.111: line 27: Change “win this war!” for “emerge triumphant!”, hence: “determination that will help us emerge triumphant!’”
•    p.113: line 10: Change to: “eventually started to eat away at their souls.”
•    p.114: line 7: Remove “quite simply”, hence: “He became Malkazore the Dark Magician…”
•    p.114: lines 11-12: Change to: “black, bony armour that resembled the exoskeleton of some vicious beetle.” (NB: Note one comma has been removed)
•    p.116: line 2: Remove “all-knowingly”, hence: “said the scientist. ‘The symbols”
•    p.116: line 8: Text cramped. Perhaps change “Correct” for “Yes”, hence: “‘Yes. They can speak”
•    p.116: line 15: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate the word “inquisitively”, so that “inquis-” appears on line 15 and “itively” on line 16.
•    p.117: line 10: Change to: “‘Boys – come on – don’t over-react. There are”
•    p.117: line 25: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Remove “Because…”, hence: “‘Because we have nothing. We’re completely”
•    p.117: line 29: Remove comma and change “tell it to you” for “do so”, hence: “Griffin lance. But before I do so, you need to know” (NB: Only make this alteration if it doesn’t disrupt the flow of text later on in the paragraph)
•    p.118: line 8: There is too big an indent before the word “BOOM!”
•    p.119: line 23: Change “ which shattered” for “shattering”, hence, “black fireballs, shattering every Griffin” You might need to hyphenate the word “slamming”, and put “slamm-” on line 23 and “ing” on line 24?
•    p.121: lines 1-2: Change to: “‘HURRY, HURRY,’ yelled Validhor, ‘GET THAT HOLE FILLED!’ (NB. No italics, lose one exclamation mark, add commas)
•    p.122: line 19: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “appeared” and put “app-” on line 19 and “eared” on line 20.
•    p.122: line 21: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “climbing” and put “climb-” on line 21 and “ing” on line 22.
•    p.123: line 3: Remove “then”, hence: “glimmer of remorse, he skewered”
•    p.123: line 26. Remove comma and “long”, add “along” and “thick”, hence: “triumphant army who dragged their tightly bound prisoner along by a thick rope attached to its neck.”
•    p.124: line 3: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change “Replace” for “It”, hence: “It reminded Danny” (NB: Only make this alteration if it doesn’t disrupt the flow of text later on in the paragraph)
•    p.124: line 19: Swap order of words, hence: “covered by her wavy blonde locks.”
•    p.127: line 3: Change “leather-like” to “leather”, hence, “its black leather trousers, but its”
•    p.127: line 24: Break sentence with a full stop and change to: “worried Validhor might hear. The great oaf was standing at the front, still dressed” You might have to break the word “Paraclesta” up with a hyphen and put each part on separate lines, hence “Para-” (line 24), and “clesta” (line 25)
•    p.128: line 2: Leave out italics and add abbreviation marks, hence: “‘It’s called “holy oil”,’ replied the scientist.”
•    p.130: line 5: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “grandfather”, and put “grand-” on line 5 and “father” on line 6?
•    p.130: line 29: Change “This is” for “That’s”, hence: “I’m certain. That’s why”
•    p.130: line 30: Change “have to” for “must”, hence: “safe. We must make sure”
•    p.131: line 31: Change to: “and its base was the circumference of a Ferris wheel.”
•    p.131: line 32: Change “the” to “his”, hence: “brought his unicorn”
•    p.132: lines 30-33: Change to: “The ceiling was a shimmering glow and the long wall surrounding them was peppered with small arched alcoves. Seated inside some of these”
•    p.133: line 5: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please change to: “whispered Sentini Fortella. He then” Perhaps you will need to hyphenate “Fortella”, putting “Fort-” on line 5 and “ella” on line 6.
•    p.133: line 28: Text cramped. Change to: “smiled. He then turned to Sentini Fortella and said:” Again, “Fortella” might need to be hyphenated.
•    p.135: line 28: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “Kabir.”, so “Ka-” goes on line 28 and “bir.” on line 29.
•    p.136: line 18: Leave out “like a flash of light,”, hence: “Suddenly, Danny was smitten”
•    p.136: line 29: Change “The two chiefs kept silent.” for “Silence.”
•    p.137: line 8: Change to: “about waist high. He then placed the gold object into a side compartment, and with another wave of his hand the pillar slowly sank back into the floor.”
•    p.137: line 20: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please place a hyphen between the word “corridor”, so “corri-” is on line 20 and “dor” on line 21.
•    p.137: line 22: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please change this sentence to: “‘Just one last question?’ said Danny, meekly.” (NB: Note extra comma)
•    p.138: lines 23-24: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please place a hyphen between the word “forgetting”, so “forget-” is on line 23 and “ting” is on line 24.
•    p.138: line 29: Add pause at end, hence: “going to listen to us…”
•    p.139: line 1: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “cheerfully”, so “cheer-” is on line one and “fully” is on line 2.
•    p.140: line 21: Replace “were” for “was”, hence: “as if it was being massaged”
•    p.141: line 7: Remove pause, hence: “of his fingers and toes.”
•    p.141: line 12: Remove “his”, hence, “hopped out of bed with all”
•    p.141: line 22: Change to: “It took a further ten minutes, however, before Joe”
•    p.142: line 2: Change to: “in a circular mirror hanging up on the wall and” (NB: Note, comma has been removed. The word concealed on line 5 might need to be hyphenated)
•    p.142: line 10: Remove “Suddenly”, hence, “Joe panicked. He absolutely”
•    p.142: line 14: Add “then”, hence: “he then said reticently.”
•    p.142: line 19: Remove “then”, hence, “Joe added with raised eyebrows.”
•    p.144: lines 20-22: Please change to: “‘Come on you,’ he said and proceeded to fit the creature with a bridle and saddle. Once it was ready to go, he then helped Danny up onto the front, before climbing on himself.”
•    p.144: line 23: Please change to: “They then raced off down the road.”
•    p.146: line 1: Text cramped. Please place a hyphen between the word “attention”, so “atten-” is on line 1 and “tion” is on line 2. “Father” on line 4 might need to be hyphenated, hence “fa-ther”?
•    p.147: line 9: Text cramped. There should be a space between “razorjaw!’The”, hence, “razorjaw!’ The”. Perhaps lose a comma to make more room on the line, hence: “jumped about excitedly before being”
•    p.150: line 8: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you placed a hyphen between the word “holding”, hence “hold-ing”, so “hold-” is on line 8 and “ing” is on line 9. (Note: You’ll probably need to move “then” (line 10), “and” (line 11) and “filling” (line 12) up to the lines above)
•    p.150: line 15: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change to: “‘Will I get to look outside?’ whispered Danny.”
•    p.150: line 20: Change italics to: “‘The golden-scaled Drakens.’”
•    p.152: line 6: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please hyphenate the word “contingent”, so “con-” is on line 6 and “tangent” is on line 7.
•    p.152: line 9: Text cramped. There should be a space between “softly.’Our”, hence, “softly. ‘Our”.
•    p.153: line 23: Text cramped. There should be a space between “process.Immediately”, hence, “process. Immediately”. Perhaps you could hyphenate the word “together” on line 23, and put “to-” onto line 22 and “gether” on line 23. Line 22 is full of large spaces.
•    p.154: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please hyphenate “before?’” and put “be-” on line 9 and “fore?’” on line 10.
•    p.155: line 6: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please change this line to: “But something didn’t quite add up. Shuffling”
•    p.155: line 13: Change “fish-like tails!” to “fish tails!”
•    p.155: line 30: Remove “then”, hence, “and mermaids, he thought to”
•    p.156: line 12: Change “a complicated” to “an impressive”, hence, “commenced an impressive choreographed”
•    p.156: line 30: Text cramped. There should be a space between “event.’There”, hence, “event.’ There”.
•    p.157: lines 5-6: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you swapped the comma for a hyphen, hence: “and girls, I give you – the RAZORJAW!’”
•    p.157: line 14: Change “some” for “an”, hence, “water like an enormous”
•    p.159: line 6: Change comma to a colon, and then remove other comma, hence: “are of this colour; but more importantly, it is”
•    p.159: line 8: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you placed a hyphen between the word “microorganism”, so “micro-” is on line 8 and “organism” on line 9.
•    p.160: line 16: Please change part of this sentence to: “‘Chief Phoenix,’ she then said, so everyone could hear, ‘I believe you too have some good news.’”
•    p.160: line 29: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you placed a hyphen between the word “triumphant”, so “tri-” is on line 29 and “umphant” on line 30. (NB: Only make this change if it does not interfere with the layout of the text in the remainder of the paragraph, although on p.161, lines 1, 3, 5 and 6 look a little cramped)
•    p.161: line 20: This should not be a new paragraph. I think it would read better if it were connected to the former, hence: “turned to Elyon Kabir. ‘Chief Phoenix,’ he then”
•    p.162: line 1: Text cramped. Perhaps it would look better to remove comma and change “which” to “that”, hence: “laughter and applause that was soon”
•    p.163: line 4: Change “section” to “area”, hence: “to the Simurgh area”
•    p.163: line 21: Text cramped. There should be a space between “said:‘Chief”, hence, “said: ‘Chief”.
•    p.164: line 1: Text cramped. Perhaps it would look better to modify slightly by changing “Sentini Fortella” for “the scientist”, hence, “turning to the scientist, ‘my Chief Simurgh.”
•    p.164: line 8: Please change to: “these things, they will sympathise with our cause.’”
•    p.165: line 7: Change to: “He nodded enthusiastically, but then blushed. Something inside him was stirring: feelings for the girl, feelings he” You might need to hyphenate “Something”, and put “Some-” on line 7 and “thing” on line 8.
•    p.165: line 16: Change “the boy” for “Joe”, hence, “commented Joe”.
•    p.166: line 4: Indent missing at beginning of new paragraph, before “Joe shook his head. Of course he didn’t!” The text size on this line also looks a little large???
•    p.166: line 15: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “waving” and put “wav-” on line 15 and “ing” on line 16.
•    p.166: line 17: Change “dipping” for “dipped”, hence, “onto her back, then dipped her head”
•    p.167: line 13: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “changing” and put “chang-” on line 13 and “ing” on line 14
•    p.167: line 19: Change “happening” for “going on”, hence, “didn’t like what was going on and sensed a”
•    p.167: lines 24-28: It would be best to delete this section from: “‘If I don’t head back now, my…” to “…other things to see in the city’” Line 29 then needs to be connected to the previous paragraph and then modified, hence: “Joe looked up at her almost in shock. He then looked across at Ula, confused and saddened for he didn’t want to give the impression he was being mothered. But, then again, neither did he trust himself on his own with the mermaid, for he knew he would only say something stupid. So, he waved her goodbye and then followed the Phoenix to the nearest exit, secretly feeling like the luckiest boy in the world!”
•    p.169: line 1: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you placed a hyphen between the word “Alverkami” and put “Alver-” on line 1 and “kami” on line 2.
•    p.169: line 11: Text cramped. There should be a space between “added.‘All”, hence, “added. ‘All”.
•    p.169: line 18: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps it would look better if you placed a hyphen between the word “draping”, so the “drap-” part appears on line 18 and the “ing” part on line 19. (NB: Maybe then put “trees.” onto the line above.)
•    p.170: line 6: Add “and then”, hence: “leapt up onto its thigh, and then into the”
•    p.171: line 15: Change “beneath” for “underneath”, hence: “disappeared underneath a”
•    p.171: line 30: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change “The” for “Those”, hence: “the Drakens live… Those mountains”
•    p.172: line 19: Add italics, hence “‘You won’t see that on the” The text on this line looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps the whole thing could be restructured so that the word “the” could be put on line 19, hence: “‘You won’t see that on the Discovery Channel!’ the scientist quipped.”
•    p.173: line 16: Remove comma, hence: “rubbed his eyes quickly, hoping”
•    p.174: line 1: Text cramped. Remove comma, hyphenate “thousands” (so “thou-” is on line 1 and “sands” on line 2) and remove “were” on line 2, hence: “huge stalactites hanging from the ceiling and thou-sands of faint, multi-coloured lights embedded in the”
•    p.174: line 15: Remove comma, hence: “than him to act”
•    p.174: line 16: Remove comma, hence: “He was only a kid and who, in their right mind, was going to”
•    p.175: line 4: Replace “share” for “give”, hence: “they feel that if they give them out, we’ll all”
•    p.175: lines 12-13: Text cramped. This sentence should be changed to: “‘Just so I’m absolutely clear,’ said Danny, nervously, ‘are all golden-scaled Drakens good?’”
•    p.175: line 29: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “permanently.’” and put “per-” on line 29 and “manently.’” on line 30.
•    p.176: line 1: Text cramping. Remove comma, hence: “multi-coloured ones poking out”
•    p.176: line 25: Spelling mistake. Should be “series”, not “sseries”, hence, “by a series of” Perhaps, after this change, the word “the” should be moved up to line 25, since line 26 looks cramped? In that case, other words later on in the paragraph will also need to be moved up a line.
•    p.177: line 10: Change italics, hence: “human. This had better be good.’”
•    p.177: line 15: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “clearing”, hence so “clear-” is on line 15 and “ing” on line 16.
•    p.179: line 27: Change “smear” for “stomp”, hence, “and stomp him into”
•    p.180: lines 5-7: Change to “directly into the dungeons. Make their acquaintance, learn of this passageway and break into the castle. And may you be blessed with all the luck and good fortune this world has left to offer.’”
•    p.182: line 27: Text cramped. Hyphenate “haven’t” so “have” is on line 27 and “n’t” is on line 28. Then change “go to” (line 28) to “use”, to make room for this change.
•    p.183: line 18: Change to: “‘No – actually – maybe I won’t tell you now.’ Joe then pushed” But if this causes text cramping, perhaps put “then” on the next line and remove “through”, hence: “then pushed his way into the bathroom, stealing”
•    p.184: line 25: Text cramped. Perhaps put “The” onto the next line and then hyphenate “moonlight” (line 26), putting “moon-” on line 26 and “light” on line 27.
•    p.184: line 28: Looks untidy due to large spaces.
•    p.185: line 19: Text cramped: Change to: “‘Really?’ said Danny, pretending to be impressed. ‘I suppose you also” Perhaps then put the bit starting “‘I suppose you” on line 20.
•    p.186: line 5: Remove comma, hence: “woken by Sentini Fortella as he came in”
•    p.187: line 25: Spelling mistake: should be “redesigned”, not “resigned”. Please also remove comma, remove “I’ve” and add “now”, hence: “‘What I’ve done is redesigned the lance so we can now administer”
•    p.187: line 30: Sentence looks clumsy and cramped. Please remove commas and add colon, hence: “At last there was real hope: for the very first time he believed he would see his grandfather again.” You could, therefore, start line 31 as normal: “he believed he would see”
•    p.189: line 20: looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps swap the words “just” and “selfless” around, hence: “living inspiration: honest, selfless, just, always fighting”
•    p.191: line 7: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change “‘Greetings!’” to “‘Good morning!’”
•    p.191: line 12: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change “whined” to “pleaded”
•    p.191: line 27: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “conversation,” and put “conver-” on line 27 and “sation” on line 28. Other words, later on in the paragraph, will need to be moved.
•    p.193: line 26: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change for: “‘This is Danny, my best friend.’”
•    p.195: line 25: Change to: “and that they really ought to be heading back. ‘I’d love”
•    p.195: line 31: Text cramped.
•    p.197: line 21: Text cramped. Remove comma, hence, “into the water like a couple”
•    p.199: line 6: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “instantly”, and put “in-” on line 6 and “stantly” on line 7.
•    p.200: line 2: Text cramped. Perhaps hyphenate “searched” so “search-” is on line 2 and “ed” on line 3.
•    p.200: line 4: Remove “nearby”, hence, “in the vicinity if they”. Perhaps then put “the” (line 3) onto the next line and “but nobody” (line 4) onto the next line?
•    p.201: line 29: Looks untidy due to large spaces – in relation to line 31. Add “I”, hence: “‘I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T LIKE FLYING!’”
•    p.201: line 30: Change “the” for “their”, hence, “as their dolphins”
•    p.202: line 1: Change to: “before slamming into the water.”
•    p.202: line 16: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please change to: “They both gave her the thumbs up signal.”
•    p.202: line 27: Remove “then”, hence: “‘Are you sure this trip’s a good idea? I mean, don’t giants eat children?’” Put “don’t” (line 28) onto line above.
•    p.204: line 7: Remove commas and add “he”, hence: “Joe ripped though and had it not been for Ula intercepting his trajectory he would have slammed straight into the hard rock mound, breaking every bone in his body.”
•    p.205: line 3: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “provide” and put “pro-” on line 3 and “vide” on line 4. Then “their” (line 5) could go up a line?
•    p.208: lines 27-29: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps nothing can be done about this.
•    p.208: line 30: Remove comma and change “into” to “to”, hence: “a secret passageway leading to the”
•    p.212: line 5: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “disappointment” and put “dis-” on line 5 and “appointment” on line 6. But this might involve a bit of tinkering later on in the paragraph. Only make this change if you can find a way and it will improve the overall layout of the paragraph.
•    p.213: line 4: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Might look best if you place a hyphen between the word “grandfather”, hence “grand-father”, and then put “grand-” on line 4 and “father” on line 5.
•    p.213: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Might look best if you place a hyphen between the word “screwing”, hence “screw-ing”, and then put “screw-” on line 9 and “ing” on line 10.
•    p.213: line 18: Change comma for colon, hence: “half sea bass; and secondly, you’re”
•    p.214: lines 24-29: Needs improving. Please change to: “the Merkulu were to everyone. They provided the Jotuns with diamonds; the Drakens with coloured gems and giant pearls; and the Alverkami with quartz for their psi-lights and lance tips, and black obsidian for their Destiny Orbs.”
•    p.218: line 31: Remove comma, hence: “such a bout for warriors to catch”
•    p.221: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spacing. Change “asked” to “groaned”, hence: “groaned Danny impatiently.”
•    p.222: line 27: Looks untidy with hyphen on its own. Replace pause with comma, hence: “and the Nekracons, and how they feed on human souls –’
•    p.224: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps add the word “also”, hence: “astronomy and also how to build”
•    p.225: line 25: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Add the word “suddenly”, hence: “piece of firewood suddenly exploded”. Perhaps then hyphenate “suddenly” so “sudden-” appears on line 25 and “ly” on line 26.
•    p.226: line 29: Text cramped. Perhaps change to: “some reading. A great many of your” (NB: But only make this alteration if it doesn’t completely mess up the text later on in the paragraph.)
•    p.230: lines 25-27: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Wouldn’t it look better to move “he” (line 26) up a line, then hyphenate “anything” (line 27) and put “any-” on line 26 and “thing” on line 27.
•    p.230: line 28: Looks untidy due to large spacing.
•    p.231: line 25: Looks untidy due to large spacing. Could you put “honour.’” on line 25? Change sentence to: “‘He made them sacrifice animals, in his honour.’”
•    p.232: line 23: Clumsy. Please change to: “‘Malkazore made your ancestors construct huge wooden pyres, which he made them fill with men, women and children.’” (Thus “with men, women and children.’” should probably go on line 24)
•    p.233: line 11: Change to: “his mind began to fill with doubt.”
•    p.234: line 3: Looks untidy due to large spacing. Change to: “Ula laughed. ‘We don’t travel the Great” (NB: Perhaps put “Great Sea” on the line above, and then “nocturnal” on the line above?)
•    p.235: line 14: Change “This is” to “That’s”, hence: “and forests. That’s when”
•    p.236: line 18: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps you could put a hyphen in the word “interrupted”, so that the “in-” bit is on line 18 and the “terrupted” bit is on line 19. You might need to shift “I’ve” up onto line 19, “with” up onto line 20, “Ever” up onto line 21?
•    p.237: line 8: Change to “‘What’s a “trade embargo”?’”
•    p.239: line 16: Change “the” to “this”, hence, “learn from this precocious”
•    p.241: line 5: Looks untidy due to large spaces. No idea what to do about it though.
•    p.242: line 12: There shouldn’t be an indent here. It should be connected to the previous line, hence: “this procedure was complete – only once every”
•    p.243: line 15: Remove “then”, hence, “stood up and gazed upwards” (NB: You will need to move some words around later on in the paragraph and you might need to hyphenate the word “knowing” on line 18 and put “know-” on line 17 and “ing” on line 18.)
•    p.245: line 8: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps leave out “insited Sentini Fortella.” Thus, it should read: “‘We need to do this properly. The harbourmaster has to believe” (NB: But only make this change if it improves the overall lay of the text in the paragraph. Feel free to hyphenate a word or two if necessary)
•    p.245: line 23: Change pause for exclamation mark, hence: “nice juicy confrontation!”
•    p.246: line 4: Remove comma, hence: “reputation. Griffins in particular, guilty”
•    p.247: line 9: Text cramped. There should be a space between “you’ere”, hence, “you ’ere”. Maybe there is a space, it’s just not all that clear. Maybe it would be best to hyphenate “provincial” and put “provin-” on line 9 and “cial” on line 10.
•    p.247: lines 11-12: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate the word “interrupted”, so “inter-” is on line 11 and “rupted” is on line 12. That should create enough space to put “plants.’” up onto line 12.
•    p.247: line 31: Again it’s hard to tell if there is a space between “‘Waat’s’e”, which should be “‘Waat’s ’e”
•    p.248: line 6: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change “‘COCKLES AND PRAWNS!’” to “‘SWORDFISH SANDWICHES!’”
•    p.248: line 8: Too many words beginning with “s”. So, please change “sounded a fire alarm” to “fired a gun”. You will then need to re-jig the rest of the paragraph.
•    p.248: line 17: Conversion error. Word should read “Li?’”. Extended hyphen used when next character interrupts previous character halfway through a word. (For some reason, it has come out fine on p.127, line 19; and p.248, line 5) Please also change this sentence to allow for more room on the line to: “‘Harbourmaster Benling, I bring you greetings from the City of Li?’”
•    p.248: line 19: Please change to: “‘It is I – Sentini Fortella – the Chief Simurgh from the City of Light.’” By removing the hyphen, the word “from” should be able to go on line 19.
•    p.248: line 29: Change to: “‘Pickles! Come here!’ yelped” (Note: The word “Pickles” and also the exclamation mark are both in italics) Looks untidy due to large spaces. So, change to: “‘Pickles! Come here!’ yelped the old sea dog. He then tried to reach out and grasp the little creature with his hands; but it was too quick and” (Note: full stop and semi-colon). You could put “He” on line 29, “creature” on line 30, “scurried” on line 31 and “roller” on line 32?
•    p.249: line 11: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change to: “When the mouse was finally caught, the harbourmaster put it back into his pocket. ‘Now you stay there, you little rascal.’” (Note: “he said in a babyish voice” has been removed.)
•    p.249: line 19: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Leave out the word “ –immediately.’” Hence, “set sail for Meddlewood Forest.’”
•    p.249: line 29: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps change the word “interrupted” for “said”, hence: “‘Actually –’ said Validhor, wiping” Then put “from his” on line 29 and “Simurgh” on line 30?
•    p.250: line 22: Looks untidy due to large spacing. Change to: “‘Woodworm. Big problem round here at the moment. But the good news is, a brand new one’ll be here first thing in the morning.’” (NB: Hyphenate “moment”, so “mom-” is on line 22 and “ent” is on line 23. Then, the end of line 23 should be “one’ll be here”, so “first thing in the morning.’” is on line 24.)
•    p.251: line 11: Spelling mistake. Should be “Malkazore”
•    p.251: line 23: This line should be on a new paragraph. And why is the text larger than normal???
•    p.253: line 7: Conversion error. Word should read “dinosau?’”. Extended hyphen used when next character or an event interrupts previous character halfway through a word. (For some reason, it has come out fine on p.127, line 19; and p.248, line 5)
•    p.253: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps you could put “towards” on line 9 and hyphenate “Malkazore” (line 10) and put “Malk-” on line 9 and “azore” on line 10. Then you could move “that” (line 12) up a line and “been” (line 13) up a line?
•    p.254: line 25: Remove “THE END”
•    p.256: lines 5-9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Could this section be re-jigged? Would removing “pleasure and” (line 8) help?
•    p.257: line 9: Change to: “Chief Griffin: The head of all Griffins.”
•    p.257: line 10: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change to: “Chief Phoenix: The head of all Phoenixes.”
•    p.257: line 12: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change to: “Chief Simurgh: The head of all Simurghs.”
•    p.258: line 9: Text cramped. Maybe hyphenate “invented”, so “invent-” appears on line 9 and “ed” on line 10.
•    p.258: line 13-14: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Maybe hyphenate “Malkazore”, so “Malk-” appears on line 13 and “azore” on line 14. Move “bidding” up to line 14?
•    p.261: line 2: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “however,” then putting “how-” on line 2 and “ever,” on line 3.
•    p.261: line 4: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “mythology”, putting “my-” on line 4 and “thology” on line 5. Then put “gave” up onto line 5?
•    p.262: line 26: Change “to” to “for”, hence: “and treatment for the wounded”
•    p.264: line 28: Text cramped. “He watched in silence as his following grew” Please can you shorten the paragraph indents – about half the size would look better. This would solve the text cramping problem on this particular line. Hopefully, other problems won’t be created.
•    p.265: line 16: Please change to: “THOSE SPELLS GIVEN TO THE ALVERKAMI:”
•    p.265: lines 18-19: Is there any way we could get this spell all on one line? Perhaps remove slight indent and square brackets? Please then change line 20 by deleting “although not animals”, hence: “Binding: Paralyses evil beings.”
•    p.265: line 22: Please remove square brackets if you have done so with the spell on lines 18-19
•    p.265: line 23: “TBA…” should be in italics, hence “TBA…”
•    [NB: After implementing the changes on pps.264-265, the sub-heading “OTHER DRAKEN SPELLS” will be shifted onto p.265. I think this will look untidy, since the forthcoming spells will then be split between pages. Perhaps you will have to tinker with the space gap at the top of p.264? Or use some other clever strategy.]
•    p.266: line 1: Please change to: “OTHER SPELLS:”
•    p.266: line 9: Shouldn’t this be justified (re: alignment)? If so, perhaps it would look best to have the word “terrain” hyphenated, so “terr-” is on line 9 and “ain” is on line 10? Or maybe it looks best the way it is?

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