Amendments (12.05.09)

•    p.5: line 2: remove “single”, hence: “saying a word”
•    p.7: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Could you hyphenate “yesterday”
•    p.7: line 26: Remove comma, hence: “the skip like”
•    p.19: line 8: The first part of this sentence needs changing to: “He was a tall, handsome man, with black” (NB: You will probably need to hyphenate “handsome”)
•    p.20: line 12: Please change this line to: “which he might never recover. As he took” (NB: I have change “not ever” to “never”, and removed “And”.)
•    p.28: line 6: Remove “then”, hence: “take a look at him. What”
•    p.28: line 10: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “position”.
•    p.29: line 17: Looks untidy due to large spaces; and on line 18, the text looks cramped. Perhaps would be best to hyphenate “placed”.
•    p.29: line 27: Please change to: “snorted his tears away. He then took hold of the box in both hands and gazed in wonder at” (NB: I have added a full stop, replaced “He” for “and”, and the word “with” for “in”)
•    p.31: line 1: Remove “meanwhile”, hence: “His grandfather jumped and then, suddenly” (NB: Please note I have also removed a comma)
•    p.32: line 9: Remove “or”, hence: “Danny – you’ll be”
•    p.33: line 9: Change “in” to “on”, and remove “then”, hence: “vessels on her neck began throbbing” (NB: You might need to hyphenate “turned”)
•    p.33: line 22: Change “into” for “to”, hence: “walked through to the”
•    p.34: lines 5-6: Remove comma and put “special school” in italics, hence: “for you – or if you need to go to a special school for”
•    p.35: line 14: Add exclamation mark, hence: “senile old fool!’ She was”
•    p.40: lines 4-7: Please could you change this sentence, so the section reads: “think about was the amulet. He was annoyed his grandfather had snuck it into his bag, but more so with himself for having lost the damn thing.”
•    p.40: line 17: Change “full of” for “with”, hence: “his face with mashed”
•    p.41: line 13: Remove “for heaven’s sake.’”, hence it should read:

‘Oh come on – chill out.’

•    p.44: line 15: Change “he then” for “Danny”, hence: “two shopping bags, Danny walked back”
•    p.46: lines 5-6: Remove “for his disappearance.”, hence: “think I was somehow responsible.”
•    p.59: lines 22-23: Replace “some woman who” for “a humanlike bird that”, hence: “Russian story about a humanlike bird that defeated an evil wizard.”
•    p.73: line 5: Change “they” for “you”, hence: “exception, you used it”
•    p.77: line 13: You’ve forgotten “the”, hence: “presence of the gods and”. (NB: You might need to hyphenate some words later on so as to avoid text over-spacing or cramping?)
•    p.84: lines 10-11: Remove “which filled him full of sorrow”, hence: “flashed up in his mind.”
•    p.84: line 12: Please change “‘Danny – I’m sorry – come on – give me a break.’” to “‘Look – I’m sorry –’” (NB: Note hyphen at the end of the sentence, immediately followed by a speech mark.)
•    p.84: line 27: Remove “‘Look”, hence: “‘He’s probably taken off”
•    p.90: line 27: The word “the” should start with a capital letter and be in italics, hence: “The Divine Comedy”
•    p.93: line 23: Replace full stop for an exclamation mark, hence: “almost five o’clock!”
•    p.101: line 14: There seems to be something wrong with the “u” in the word “smugly”. It looks a bit squashed.
•    p.107: line 10: Remove “in”, hence: “floating about Peralucia.’”
•    p.109: line 14: Change “into a dungeon” to “in the dungeons”, hence: “throws it in the dungeons and feeds”
•    p.111: line 6: Change “some” for “a”, hence: “as if anticipating a tremendous”
•    p.116: line 22: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “weaponless”?
•    p.118: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “uncontrollably” (“un-controllably”)
•    p.126: lines 9-12: Please change this section to: “looked on as the scientist reached into his pocket and took out a small bottle. Removing the plaster, he then applied a few drops of the healing liquid to the wound, which moments later disappeared.” (NB: Please note that I have removed the word “then” at the beginning of the passage)
•    p.126: line 24: Remove the word “together”, hence: “some super-weapon?’”
•    p.130: line 7: Remove “completely”, hence: “also gobsmacked.” (NB: Only make this change if it doesn’t cause problems in the paragraph.)
•    p.134: lines 16-17: Please change the position of “then”, hence: “with exhaustion. After kicking off their jeans and trainers, they then climbed”
•    p.136: line 2: Could you put “there was then silence” on a new line, hence:

Sentini Fortella closed the door.
There was then silence.
‘Joe,’ whispered…

•    p.137: line 4: Remove “Then”, hence: “Sentini Fortella cheer-fully. Walking over to the wooden”
•    p.137: line 7: Remove “above his head. And”, hence: “and stretched his arms. After yawning several”
•    p.137: line 9: Remove “then”, hence: “Joe rolled over onto his back and”
•    p.137: line 12: Remove “then”, hence: “the scientist said, with” (NB: You might need to hyphenate “folded”?)
•    p.139: line 7: Remove “then”, hence: “Sentini Fortella turned and headed”
•    p.139: line 18: Remove “then”, hence: “‘So,’ he said, spinning”
•    p.139: line 29: replace pauses with hyphens, hence: “‘Well – I must say – you both look very smart. You’re”
•    p.141: line 15: Text looks a bit cramped. Doesn’t look to be a space between “Light from” Might need to hyphenate “Imagine”?
•    p.145: line 29: Spelling mistake. Please change “Coliseum of Rome” to “Colosseum in Rome”
•    p.149: line 30: Remove “some of”, hence: “appeal to our other”
•    p.151: line 18: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “information”
•    p.155: line 2: Remove two commas, hence: “which then immediately zipped shut.” (NB: The rest of this paragraph might need to be restructured – moving “shut” up a line etc.)
•    p.160: line 3: Remove “little”, hence: “of naughty boys, who”
•    p.169: line 30: Change “his” for “the”, hence: “curved away to the left and”
•    p.171: line 6: Remove “then”, hence: “He rubbed his eyes” (NB: Only make this change if it doesn’t cause too many problems later on. You might need to hyphenate “fidgeting”?)
•    p.173: line 20: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Change “they’re” to “they are”, hence: “they are made from”
•    p.175: line 8: Spelling mistake. Change “sent” for “send”, hence: “you not send a”
•    p.177: line 31: You’ve forgotten “left”, hence: “has left to offer.” And you’ve forgotten to end the paragraph with speech mark, hence it should read:

…this word has left to offer.’

•    p.180: line 28: Please change this bit to: “provided of course you have the occasional sip of dynamade.’” (NB: Note the speech mark at the end of the sentence.)
•    p.180: line 29: Text looks a bit cramped. Perhaps hyphenate “expression.”?
•    p.181: line 5: Remove “then”, hence: “Joe turned to his”
•    p.183: lines 2-3: Lots of mistakes. You’ve added extra speech marks on line 2 and forgotten them on line 3. Also, you’ve added the word “to” by mistake on line 3. This whole section should read like this:

‘All I did was go for a little walk.’
‘How little?’
‘I visited a place called the Aquatic Stadium.’

•    p.185: lines 2-4: Please replace these lines with: “He then quickly got dressed and followed his friend through to the library.” This section should therefore read:

‘Hang on, wait for me!’ implored Joe, panicking. He then quickly got dressed and followed his friend through to the library.
Sentini Fortella was standing in the…

•    p.186-187. You’ve accidentally removed the blank line separating the two paragraphs. It should read like this:

‘Moonlight?’ said the boys together.
‘Yes – Moonlight – my unicorn.’

Sunday was market day. Select courtyards…

•    p.187: line 28: Change “This she knew” to “She knew this”, hence: “terrible consequences. She knew this from her”
•    p.193: line 26: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “between”
•    p.194: line 29: Change “he” for “they”, hence: “they would then have”
•    p.195: line 21: Remove “then”, hence: “she said”
•    p.196: line 22: Change full stop for an exclamation mark, hence: “hundreds of razorjaws!’”
•    p.200: line 10: Replace comma with “and”, hence: “onto her back and slowed”
•    p.207: line 19: Change full stop for a hyphen, hence: “‘Please – at least take Validhor.’”
•    p.210: line 27: Replace “scuba-diving” for “scuba”, hence “load of scuba gear!”
•    p.210: line 29: Remove “developing between them both”, hence: “This little romance was threatening the mission.” (NB: Note the removal of both commas)
•    p.211: line 32: Change full stop for exclamation mark, hence: “in all of Peralucia!”
•    p.212: line 4: Change exclamation mark for full stop, hence: “except the Merkulu.’”
•    p.213: line 23: Change “the” for “her”, hence: “holding her reins”
•    p.213: line 26: Change “tugging sharply on her reins.” for “sending her on her way.”, hence: “few mouthfuls, however, before sending her on her way.”
•    p.214: line 7: Change “the” for “her”, hence: “flicking her reins”
•    p.214: line 21: Change “strewn” for “covered”, hence: “structure, covered with spiky”
•    p.225: line 24: Please insert inverted commas, hence:

…the human mind can only “eat so much humble pie”.’

•    p.235: line 6: Change the position of the question mark – it should appear outside the inverted comma, hence:

‘What’s a “trade embargo”?’

•    p.243: line 29: Remove comma, hence: “the breeze was a”
•    p.245: line 2: Add “a handful of”, hence: “rubbed himself down with a handful of bladderwrack seaweed.”
•    p.245: line 25: Remove “didn’t twitch a muscle” for “remained motionless”, hence: “The Griffin remained motionless.”
•    p.246: line 29: Exclamation mark should be in italics, hence: “‘Pickles!”
•    p.246: line 32: Change “fitted with” for “wearing”, hence: “it was wearing rocket-powered”
•    p.247: line 11: I still think this line looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “harbourmaster”, so “harbour-” appears on line 11 and “master” appears on line 12.
•    p.247: line 18: You’ve put the full stop in the wrong place. It should appear inside the speech mark, hence: “sail for Meddlewood Forest.’”
•    p.247: line 26: Remove pause, hence: “you serve here. It’s rotting”
•    p.249: You’ve accidentally removed the blank line separating the two paragraphs. It should read like this:

throw him head first into the sea.

Far to the west, Castle Malkazore…

•    p.250: line 33: Replace comma with pause, hence: “As you can see… your problem”
•    p.251: line 28: Replace “done untold damage to” for “damaged”, hence: “it had damaged an important” (NB: You might need to hyphenate some words, such as “Alverkami”, in order to make sure the text is not too cramped or spaced out in the rest of the paragraph. Also, on line 29, please remove “had”, hence: “building and managed to”)
•    p.255: line 15: I still think this line looks untidy due to large spaces. Could you hyphenate “renowned”, so “re-” appears on line 15 and “nowned” is on line 16.
•    p.263: line 17: Remove “THOSE”, hence: “SPELLS GIVEN TO THE ALVERKAMI:”
•    p.263: line 23: You’ve forgotten to put the number “3” in bold, hence:

3. TBA…

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