Amendments (02.05.09)

p.9: line 22: The word “Miss” looks a little odd. Too big perhaps? And it is wrongly preceded by a double indent.
p.11: line 21: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “entering”?
p.13: line 14: Please add comma, hence “The trouble was, Miss Perkins”
p.13: lines 31-32: You have removed the blank line separating the paragraph ending on line 31 and the one starting “Danny felt the morning” on line 32. Please could you put this blank line back in.
p.14: line 14: Remove “several”, hence: “group of girls”
p.14: line 24: I know this is going to be a pain, but could you remove “and saw him as a victim of the system”. The sentence would read so much better without it, hence: “many years, felt sorry for him. For one reason” (NB: Also please on p.14 - line 29 - remove “cushy”, hence: “assortment of projects, he”)
p.16: line 13: I think there is a misplaced space before the word “Danny”
p.16: line 24: There should be an extended (NOT an ordinary) hyphen after “worr”, hence: “worr?” (NB: It must be the same as the extended hyphen on p.125 (line 20) and p.246 (line 4)).
p.28: line 17: There should be an extended (NOT an ordinary) hyphen after “Wha”, hence: “Wha??” (NB: It must be the same as the extended hyphen on p.125 (line 20) and p.246 (line 4)).
p.31: line 1: Please could you change to “His grandfather, meanwhile, jumped, and then, suddenly feeling ashamed”
p.33: line 13: remove “then”, hence: “his knees and began dabbing”
p.36: line 18: Change full stop to semi colon, hence: “into the cupboard; but this did”
p.42: line 18: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “Sometimes”.
p.53: line 28: Change “The” for “Their”, hence “Their lances, which were now”
p.54: line 23: Remove “the boy”, hence: “sliding in behind, and then, with a”
p.59: line 9: Text looks a bit cramped. Perhaps hyphenate “wrinkleless,”
p.60: line 32: Change position of “suddenly”, hence: “as if the air had suddenly been sucked”
p.61: line 3: Remove “again”, hence: “seeing the old man vanish.”
p.66: line 18: Could you change the start of this paragraph to: “Suddenly, a blue-robed Alverkami made his way over. He was tall, slender, again with”
p.70: line 2: Remove comma, hence: “those that did were subjected”
p.71: line 17: Remove comma, hence: “to farm all across”
p.77: lines 10-15: Doesn’t read all that well. Could you change this paragraph to: “Last night he’d been in the presence of the gods and done things mere mortals couldn’t comprehend. Munching away on his cornflakes, he allowed this feeling of self-importance to purvey his entire being and then began wondering if perhaps he had been singled out for some special purpose.”
p.81: line 1: Remove “then”, hence: “Danny smiled and read on:”
p.85: line 2: Change colon for comma, hence: “‘Tell me, what did you”
p.85: line 24: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Hyphenate “imagine”.
p.86: line 1: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps move “not” up a line then hyphenate “Nevertheless”? (NB: Ignore this amendment if it will look worse.)
p.86: line 25: Change full stop for exclamation mark, hence: “fast as a car!’”
p.89: line 7: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “round” or replace the word with “over”?
p.90: line 7: Looks a little tight: “curiosity.’How”. Any chance you could lengthen the space between these two words?
p.90: line 27: remove comma, hence: “only trouble was that although”
p.92: line 16: Remove “then”, hence: “she said quietly”
p.94: line 21: Change “that” for “it”, hence: “but knew it would just make him” (NB: You might need to hyphenate “headed”)
p.95: line 5: Change word order to: “had called the officer in to”
p.96: line 7: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “creatures”? Then, on line 9, remove comma and change “However,” for “But”, hence: “But all this changed with” (NB: Feel free to hyphenate “powerful” if necessary)
p.100: line 25: Please change to: “his foolishness, might completely lose the plot.”
p.102: line 8: Add italics to word “us”, hence: “give it to us in”
p.116: line 21: Spelling mistake. Change “to” for “do”, hence: “why do you”
p.133: line 21: replace the word “arch” with “niche”, hence: “stepped out of the niche.”
p.134: line 29: Misunderstanding with previous instructions. Please change the entire sentence: “The two chiefs kept silence.” to the single word sentence: “Silence.”
p.139: line 3: Change “it were” to “he was”, hence: “as if he was being subjected”
p.142: line 11: Add the word “entire”, hence: “see the entire city” (NB: You might then need to hyphenate the word “distances”)
p.146: line 1: Change “continue” for “proceed”, hence: “wanted to proceed, but the”
p.148: line 28: Looks a little untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “agreement.”, but only do so if it is a change for the better.
p.155: line 18: Change “larger.” for “bigger.” hence: “much, much bigger.”
p.156: lines 7-9: Is it just me, or does the text on these lines look a little on the shrunken side?
p.156: line 11: Change the word “evicted” for “beaten”, hence: “had been subsequently beaten thanks”
p.163: line 8: You’ve forgotten the colon, hence: “was stirring: feelings for”
p.165: line 24: Change has not been applied. Should now read: “confused and saddened for he didn’t want to give the impression”
p.165: line 28: Remove comma, hence: “So he waved her”
p.169: line 21: Change word order. Should read: “shielding the sun from his eyes.”
p.170: line 16: Please remove this section: “which led straight into the heartland of Lungolia.” It should therefore read: “through a narrow chasm. All around, were”
p.171: lines 23-24: Some things haven’t been changed. Remove comma and “were”, hence: “from the ceiling and thou-sands of faint, multi-coloured lights embedded in the cavern walls. It was”
p.177: lines 28-31: You’ve made 4 mistakes: 2 misspelled words (“learn” and “world”), no “left” and no inverted comma at the end of the sentence. Should read: “Make their acquaintance, learn of this passageway and break into the castle. And may you be blessed with all the luck and good fortune this world has left to offer.’” (NB: You might need to move the word “has” down from line 30 to line 31.)
p.183: line 2: Please change “‘A little walk”,’ repeated Danny.” to “‘How little?’”
p.183: lines 3-4: Please change this entire sentence to: “‘I visited a place called the Aquatic Stadium.’”
p.185: line 14: Change “by” for “with”, hence: “replaced with a” (NB: You might need to hyphenate “labelled”)
p.187: lines 1-2: You have removed the blank line separating the paragraph ending on line 1 and the one starting “Sunday was market day.” on line 2. Please could you put this blank line back in.
p.191: line 9: Replace “had not” for “hadn’t”, hence: “Danny hadn’t failed to”
p.194: lines 27-28: Please change to: “Looking up to the heavens, he suddenly had a rare moment of clarity. If they”
p.202: line 7: Remove “rock”, hence: “the hard mound”
p.202: line 19: Change “cone-shape” for “cone-shaped”, hence: “its cone-shaped nose”
p.212: lines 21-24: You’ve left out some of the sentence. It should read: “They provided the Jotuns with diamonds; the Drakens with coloured gems and giant pearls; and the Alverkami with”
p.216: lines 23-28: Please could you connect this paragraph to the one before and put it in brackets, hence: “many strategy rooms. (These were places……. what went badly.)
p.221: line 2: Remove “then”, hence: “he let out a”
p.221: lines 14-15: Change “then said, turning to Danny,” for “continued”, hence: “this world,’ she continued, ‘you need to know”
p.221: line 18: Change full stop for semi-colon, hence: “no wars; everyone was” (NB: You might need to shift “there” up a line and hyphenate “connecting”)
p.221: line 27: Put “dimensional worlds” in speech marks, hence: “connect our two “dimensional worlds”. Anyway, some”
p.224: line 9: Text a bit cramped and the sentence could be better phrased. Please change to: “continued the mermaid, as a solitary tear ran down her cheek.”
p.228: line 21: Change word order, hence: “to find the other three pieces.”
p.231: line 7: Remove “now”, hence: “feeling there was little he”
p.232: line 2: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “nocturnal”
p.233: line 17: Remove “then”, hence: “Danny sat up, crossed his” (NB: You might have to move “quietly” up a line or hyphenate it)
p.235: line 7: Change “would” for “should”, hence: “trade embargo should be”
p.235: line 8: You haven’t put in speech marks around: “trade embargo”, hence: “‘What’s a “trade embargo”?’”
p.236: line 8: Change “the” for “their”, hence: “came to their rescue.”
p.237: line 4: Looks untidy due to large spaces (maybe hyphenate “discussion” etc?) - but leave if applying the changes would cause problems later on in the paragraph.
p.246: line 16: There should be an extended (NOT an ordinary) hyphen after “Li”, hence: “Li?” (NB: It must be the same as the extended hyphen on p.125 (line 20) and p.246 (line 4)).
p.247: line 1: Add “also”, hence; “the bartender, who, also finding” (NB: You might need to hyphenate “wiped”)
p.247: line 9: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “harbourmaster”
p.247: line 12: Remove comma, hence: “‘Harbourmaster Benling,’”
p.247: line 16: You’ve forgotten the full stop, hence: “for Meddlewood Forest.’”
p.247: line 29: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “laughter”
p.248: line 8: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate: “sailed”
p.250: line 5: Remove “of”, hence: “inside which Danny’s”
p.251: line 4: There should be an extended (NOT an ordinary) hyphen after “dinosau”, hence: “dinosau?” (NB: It must be the same as the extended hyphen on p.125 (line 20) and p.246 (line 4)).
p.251: line 30: Change word order, hence: “stood up and slowly walked over”
p.255: line 15: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “renowned”, hence “re-nowned”
p.257: line 3: Looks untidy due to large spaces. (NB: You might need to hyphenate “headquarters”, but only make this change if it doesn’t disrupt the rest of the paragraph.)
p.257: line 11: Looks untidy due to large spaces. (NB: You might need to move “in the” up a line and hyphenate “environment”; but only make this change if it doesn’t cause problems.)
p.258: line 3: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “surrounding”
p.259: line 3: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Perhaps hyphenate “mythology”
p.260: line 27: Looks untidy due to large spaces. Please hyphenate “developed”
p.262: line 11: Text looks very cramped. Perhaps hyphenate “equations,”
p.263: lines 16-17: Misunderstanding with my instructions. Please change “DRAKEN SPELLS (THOSE SPELLS GIVEN TO THE ALVERKAMI)” into just “THOSE SPELLS GIVEN TO THE ALVERKAMI” (NB: Note no brackets)
p.263: line 19: Is it just me, or is there a misplaced space before the start of the spell? In other words, is there a space before the bit that starts “[Take me now”? Perhaps it would look better to get rid of this space by shifting the whole line along to the left a fraction?
p.263: line 23: I don’t think the number “3.” should appear in italics. (NB: But keep “TBA…” in italics, hence: “3. TBA…”)

[NB: After having made all these changes, the Contents section (pps.vii and viii) page numbers might now need to be re-done.]

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